Hi My Name is Becky, and I am a...

PERFECTIONIST!

    You'd never know it from my often messy house, the fact that I NEVER wear foundation, and that my children and I are mostly dressed in jeans with holes, sweatpants, or mismatched clothes, but I am sick with the disease of perfectionism.

    Perfectionism is just one reason that I talk myself out of things, doubt myself or even listen to the whisper of the enemy, "It's not good enough…you're not good enough."  I do this when I get dressed, when I exercise, when I decorate my house, when I write this blog (no posts between October and February?  Not too busy, just too nit-picky), when I serve in my church body, etc. etc.  This bad habit of perfectionism sneaks up on me and renders me paralyzed with indecision and procrastination.  I let projects pile up because I just can't decide how I want to finish them, or sometimes even begin them.  Scrapbooking, decorating my bedroom, cleaning out a closet,  preparing a song for special music on Sunday, I could go on...

    And why? Why on earth do I care so much?  Because I'm afraid.  Because I want to please people. I want people to think I've got it all together, that I am really smart, pretty cute, and that I have talents as a fill-in-the-blank.  (Musician, writer, parent, cook, wife, decorator, gardener, etc.)

       I've been convicted lately, while reading in Genesis and Exodus, about this habit of mine, to want circumstances to be perfect before I act.  I'm reading through the Bible this year, gosh darn it.  I'm behind, but I will do it!  I notice as I read through the Word that from the beginning, people are just flawed.  I was laughing with a friend of mine earlier this week about philosophies that declare people to be primarily good inside.  People aren't!  I know I'm not.  I haven't broken any major laws, but I'm still selfish, rude and mean.  Just ask my husband about sleeping Becky, who haveth no filters.  But besides just knowing myself, I look to the Bible, because surely there must be a verse in there that says God only uses perfect people, right?  Oh wait, they are sinful from Genesis to Revelation.

     I look at God's people, the Isrealites and their tribes, and I trace their roots to Jacob's 12 sons.  Most people know that the brothers sold Joseph into slavery, but this is only the beginning of these mens' sins.  Reading their stories is like reading a horribly violent soap opera.

•      A family with four mothers in it, all vying for favor from the husband. They lie, they manipulate, they steal, they bribe, they avenge and kill.  
• Reuben committed incest to try to affirm his right as firstborn.  
• Levi & Simeon plot horribly to avenge their sister Dinah,  and kill an entire clan of men who were trying to do the right thing.  
• Judah not only suggested selling his brother into slavery, but also married a Canaanite woman who completely turned his sons against God; two out of three of the sons were so evil, God struck them dead.  Then Judah abandoned his daughter-in-law until he thought she was a prostitute, and fathered two sons by her.  Then when he found out she was pregnant, he wanted HER burned because of her adultery, as she was supposed to be faithful to his youngest son, who he never intended she actually marry.  (Wait, in that last run-on sentence, did you get confused because of the craziness? Too bad, I'm working on defeating perfectionism and I'm not going to clarify. Read it for yourself in Genesis 38.)   

   These are just four of the twelve brothers!  This is just so bizarre, because these are the sons of the man actually named Israel.  If you don't believe me, read the last 15 chapters of Genesis.  So what on earth is God up to? Why didn't He just abandon this crazy family, and start over?
     
      Reading their sinful beginnings is just half the story.  When I turn to the book of Joshua, and read about God giving the descendants of these men the different portions of the Promised Land of Canaan, I just marvel at this God I serve.  I think about the big genetic picture, and realize how God chose these people. How God redeemed them.  How God saved them and used them, even in the genealogy of his own Son's adoptive father.  Over and over, the Bible paints pictures of people stuck in their mistakes, and in pits of sin, only to have their God pursues them relentlessly and save them from their folly.

   And so, I have to quit believing the lie that God cannot use me unless I first become perfect, or good enough.  I have to write the blog post, and just let God use it, and maybe not proofread it four hundred thousand times.  Find some typos? Good! I'm making progress.

    I have to pick some art and hang it on the walls of my home, and let my husband get out the level and the tape measure, because being precise and making things straight are his gifts, not mine.  I have to  SHARE MY FAITH!!! and not worry that my story isn't good enough, or doesn't follow the usual formula, or doesn't point to God the way that someone else's story does.  What if they think I'm delusional? What if they explain it away?  What if they don't believe, and come to Jesus after hearing the story of how he's worked in my life?  So what? God says. Don't worry about what YOU can do, because I am already moving and working in a much bigger picture than you can see right now.

    What about you?   What have you been telling yourself you're not good enough for? (Did you see that? I just ended a sentence in a preposition, and I'm NOT going to change it.)
What have you heard lately that you can't do well enough?  Throw your hands up with me and praise a God who uses imperfect people; and while those hands are up we can wave them victoriously at our enemies, even if those enemies are our own defeating minds, and say - we're going to act anyway.  We're going to sing anyway.  Share our testimony anyway.  Invite that friend to church anyway, even if they might not like the music or message or the way I sing when I'm standing next to them.  Because if God can use Reuben and Judah and Tamar and David and Peter and Paul, then He can use me too.

Praise you Father, light a fire in imperfect me.

I Prayed for a Drummer...

   When I went to college, I had two small town recorded and produced CDs, a messy notebook full of new songs, and big ideas that when I went to St. Olaf college, world renowned for its music and musicians, I was going to meet a group of people who would help my music become more.  I had a relatively faithful prayer life at this time, and I prayed often for God to send me a drummer.  If only I knew and could play with a drummer who liked my music, my songs would become more exciting.  I didn't ever have huge dreams about being famous or anything, but I wanted my music to change and evolve from the same 4-5 chords and melodies that were all starting to sound the same.  Starry eyed, I entered college.

   Fast forward from September to December, you'd find a college freshmen hopelessly homesick, and completely overwhelmed with music theory classes, piano practices (I was supposed to practice 14-20 hours a week...I didn't) and just generally, and stressfully, managing the transition that comes from high school to a relatively intense college course load.  I had maybe written 2 or 3 songs, all about missing my then boyfriend/now husband.  The week of finals, I was staring at two little pink lines, which meant  Isaiah was on the way.  Needless to say, God had not sent me a drummer. He had not sent me a band.  He had not dropped musicians into my life to make my music flourish.  He was still my God, though steeped in sin I was.  He was still relentlessly pursuing me, and working all things together for my good, as He always is for those who love Him.

     So I moved home.  I was sad. I was scared. I was a bit dramatic, and had pretty much resigned myself to the fact that I would never need to make music again, because I didn't really deserve hobbies anyway, and that my boyfriend/husband and I would just have to work our fingers to the bone (I got three jobs to try to atone for my immoral behavior) to provide for this baby and the hopeless life we would surely live.  But, God had other plans.  And His plans are never hopeless.

   God had a drummer in mind.  But first, He gave Dustin several guitar players and a drummer.  They were all called No One of Consequence.  Two other band wives became two of my best friends, who led by example when it came to marriage and motherhood. The drummer married us in his living room with about 5 minutes notice.  The guitar player was our best man in our wedding. The drummer played piano as I walked down the aisle. (If you're confused, my wedding and marriage were separate occasions, weird I know.) The drummer and guitar player just happened to have a dad who was a pastor, so we tried going to church with them.  This is how  I found my church body, the people who were the hands and feet and encouraging tongues to my husband and I as we have figured out how to be a family with our new little baby boy.

     A few months after we got married, I auditioned for the worship team at church.  And then God delivered the drummer.  I had to share him with Dustin, as he was still drumming in NOOC, but in my band, he played guitar, drums, piano and sang or whatever was needed that week.  And within this setting, God began to whisper to my heart what He wanted my music to be.  He has shown me, through humbling experiences, that my pride/insecurity (just two faces of the same selfish coin) get in the way when it comes to singing and playing.  He has moved me to write only lyrics that glorify Him.  He has helped me set my priorities in order, with pride and self crucified on the cross, though I have to hammer those nails in every week. And from a musical standpoint, I'm a much better chord player than I used to be. It has taken years and years, and I know He's not even close to being done with me, but I have learned how to play lead piano instead of just accompaniment.  I have learned to focus my mind on entering the throne room with a musical offering, instead of dwelling on the thoughts of others.
       I have had the blessing of fellowship with people I would never talk to otherwise.  A salesman in his 60s, a nurse from another town, high school kids, college kids, an interpreter for the deaf, the list goes on and on.  These are  not people who I would normally find in my social circles. We are in different seasons of life, with different schedules.  But we get to come together once every few weeks and praise God with music.

     This drummer, his name is Shane, was God's answer to my prayer for a drummer.  It took me a few years to figure that out, but in the process, I also learned more about WHO God is, not just what He delivers.  He is a God who answers prayers in ways that are beyond what we could ask or imagine.  He is a God who delivers package deals.  Shane and Maranda are a package deal.  Not only did I get a musician to enjoy music with, but his wife, who has helped me grow in my walk with Christ. She prays for me, and encourages me.  She's the person I text to ask for prayer when I'm  acting like the Hulk instead of a pretty princess, and sometimes she sends me some really eloquent and encouraging scripture, and sometimes she just replies,  "Me too, praying," which in my book is just as encouraging.

     And this is my God!! I rock back on my heels like David did, saying who am I? and what is my family? that you would do this for me?  The Sovereign who works all things together for those who love Him. The generous beyond imagining giver who delivers a eternity changing package, when all I asked for was a drummer.  The Teacher, who teaches me about Himself, and draws me nearer to Him as He answers a years old prayer.

    These pastors, these friends, didn't sell all they had and give it to the poor.  They didn't lay down their life for me, though I don't doubt they would.  They didn't leave all their worldly possessions and minister on the other side of the world.  They are not perfectly holy.  They just show up for work.  They just read their Bibles and pray.  They just ask me how I'm doing.  They just commit to make their marriage work, and pledge to raise their kids God's way, encouraging by example, for me to do the same.  They pay their mortgage and utilities.  They cook dinner and spank their kids and vacuum (a lot! :)  ).  I know they struggle thinking they are not doing enough or being enough for God's kingdom, but remember, you don't know whose prayers you are answering just by being obedient in the little things.  Thanks for being such a beautiful answer to mine.

Happy 40th Birthday to the drummer I prayed for. I'm still praying for you, and your beautiful wife and kiddos.  Hope it's a good one.

Becky

The Remaining, Part 2

**Enjoy the color coding!  OCD woman is at it again!  
Word of God (Jesus is speaking) in red.
Rebecca rambles in black (it's slimming...does that work in writing too?)
Paraphrased Promises in green.


John 15: 6 - 11

If you do not remain in me, you are like a branch that is thrown away and withers; such branches are picked up, thrown into the fire and burned.  If you remain in me and my words remain in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be done for you.  This is to my Father's glory, that you bear much fruit, showing yourselves to be my disciples.

     As the father has loved me, so I have loved you.  Now remain in my love.  If you keep my commands, you will remain in my love, just as I have kept my Father's commands and remain in his love.  I have told you this so that my joy may be in you and that your joy may be complete.  
       
     
   In my last post, I was so moved by just a few verses that I wrote paragraphs and paragraphs about just a few of them.  God is so good that He can do that - speak volumes in just a few words. Sometimes, though, I like to zoom out when I read the Word instead of zooming in.  

   I want some promises from God that I can get into my thought life, some verses, some paraphrases even, to combat insecurity, to clarify my purpose, to remember who I am.  And so sometimes I read a passage like the aforementioned, and I see so much truth, I need to just write down statements that I can cling to. Here's how I hear Jesus speaking to me through these verses, and underneath, you get a glimpse of the inside walls of my crazybrain. Yes crazybrain is oneword. Lookitup. 

1.)  Without me, you will die by fire, so don't get so full of yourself.

       How true I've found this in my own life!  When I am not connected to Jesus, I am a mess of sin.  I am grouchy. I am stressed.  I am selfish. I feel entitled.  I feel deprived.   I am dried up, without a life source, and therefore useless in God's kingdom.  I will either be so wrapped up (like a dead stinky mummy) in myself that I will miss the opportunities to love others, or I simply don't feel like it, and go my own way (finish my book, get the last word, lose my temper because its easier to give into the storm brewing than to try something that would build up others around me).  Apart from Him, I can do NOTHING. 
--At least nothing good.

2.)  When you are connected to me, you will see my work.

       As much as I want to bend this verse to mean - "just read your Bible and follow the ten commandments, and I'll give you magic powers that we'll still call prayer"- it doesn't.  God is not going to suddenly give us anything we ask for, because sometimes what we ask for is really, really stupid.  To God, some of my prayers might seem a little like my son Luke.  He's 2.   When I'm cooking dinner, sometimes he throws fits because he wants to sit right next to the hot stove and touch the electric element. It's orange when it's hot. It's his favorite color, and if you know this kid, you know he brings a whole new obsessive meaning to the term 'favorite'. So he wants to play with it. And my reaction is, "Seriously? Can you believe this kid?  If he only knew how much hurt that choice has in store..."    God is not going to switch on an autoreply that says YES! and RIGHT AWAY! to every one of our prayers, because He sees such a bigger picture than we can. I could start singing Garth Brooks's "Unanswered Prayers"...but I won't. I've been told that sometimes breaking out in song is not the most socially acceptable practice.
         But here comes the beauty:  When we REMAIN in Him, when we are reading the Word and praying and laying the moment-to-moment choices of our lives down at His feet, things are going to start to look different.  He is going to do such a work in us and around us that our desires will be so aligned with His, that we will see AMAZING prayers be answered and see Him working all over the place.  Have you experienced God speaking in echoes in your life? Because it's astounding.  It's like the biggest craziest coincidences - but they happen regularly. So regularly that you begin to recognize these coincidences as His style. So amazing and so loving, and often with such perfect timing that you are brought to your knees because the reality of a Huge. Timeless. Powerful. Omniscient. and Omnipotent GOD can be all those things, but still cares enough to LOVE me? and include me in all of this?  Blow your breath out.  I just did.

         

3.) When you are connected to me, and bearing fruit, you bring glory to my Father.

         Even when no one sees.  Even when it seems meaningless.  Even If I can see it come to fruition.  
     Rarely does anyone see me be patient with my toddler instead of just locking him in his room (I've done both, so no judging) but when I choose patience, it glorifies God and builds up my toddler, and it builds me up too.  
       Even when it seems meaningless, because choosing kind questions and redirections with that student hasn't made one bit of difference all bleepin year, and I'd rather just kick him out and let someone else deal with him, I choose kindness anyway.(Again, I did both)  I choose kindness because it glorifies God. Even though I'm not going to see a difference in that kid this year, God can do immeasurably more than I can ask or imagine with the kindness I worked hard to produce against the tide of my anger and frustration.
     Even if I can't see the difference God might be making through me right now, and may never see it - it brings pleasure and honor to God and (read this slow and with emphasis) HE CAN USE IT FOR GOOD. Every interaction with my family, with my church body, with the lost people I encounter every day, with my students, with  my friends, coworkers and even the people drive around in traffic with - God can use the words of my mouth and the attitudes of my heart for His good and perfect purposes. 

4.) I love you with a love you will never, ever, ever understand or comprehend.

      Just take some time to sit on that one for a few minutes every day.  Unconditional, unending love that nothing can ever separate you from. 

If you haven't experienced that, don't you want to?


5.) Obedience is the key to staying connected, and joy is the promise. 

    I love that Jesus prefaces this with a statement of his unconditional love:  "As my father has loved me, so I have loved you." And then the command:  "Remain in my love." and then the condition - "If you keep my commands, you will remain in my love, just as I have kept my Father's commands and remain in His love."
    We have to keep that order in mind - unconditional love, command, condition;  or we can totally miss what Jesus is saying.  It's easy to think that Jesus is saying, You better do what I say if you want me to love you.  But hallelujah!! His love doesn't work that way.  Thank you God, that your love is unconditional. He starts with that!
       I know better than anyone - God's love still shows up, even when I'm completely screwing up.  Even when I was sleeping with my high school boyfriend, even when I was having a big fight with my husband, even when was losing it with my son, even when I drank too much and said stupid things to an unbeliever, even when I was making choices that I have come to regret the most, God's love showed up.  He whispered to me, He coaxed me back to Him, He convicted my heart to change, and resolve to do better next time.  Just look at my life!  And the life of any honest Jesus follower who is open to sharing with you - Jesus is definitely not saying that his love disappears when we sin. 
     When we belong to Him, and stand up and say that we are Christ followers, His love never leaves us.  He never leaves us.  But He does insist on His own way.  If we want to bear fruit and be disciples and do this thing for real, we HAVE to obey.  We have to live inside the boundaries that God sets for us and stay connected to that vine. We have to go against the grain of the world and make choices that may not always be popular with our crowd. And sometimes, it's going to hurt and be uncomfortable.  And sometimes we might end up in our dorm room like a huge dork painting (yes that was me, and it's dorky because I'm like the least artistic person on the planet) because the choices happening down the hall are not honoring God. 
    But after the possibly painful, possibly awkward, possibly easy (because you have awesome friends) obedience comes the promise - the rainbow - HIS JOY.  "My joy will be in you and your joy will be complete."  God will not leave us empty, but filled to the measure every time.  And sometimes, so overflowing with His joy that we have to run to someone and tell them all about it.  And then He is glorified some more.  


Jesus, You are the vine!  You are the source of all the good that comes out of me.  Remind me Father, when I chase the wind, that you are all I need.  That your unconditional love, and your fresh breathing Word is all I need to know how to live my life. Give me a fresh heart to obey so that I can be a part of what you're doing, and so I can experience your crazy love coincidences regularly.  Mostly God, help me live a life always seeking your face - so that one day when I stand before you, I will recognize the smile I see there and hear you say, 'well done, good and faithful servant'. Thank you that your love is unconditional and that I can never be separated from it. Guide me hourly, minutely to live a life of obedience, so I can be filled with your joy and my joy will be complete.   God you are so good. Light a fire in me.

The Remaining (Part 1 of this week's assignment)

John 15: 1-6

"I am the true vine, and my Father is the gardener. He cuts off every branch in me that bears no fruit, while every branch that does bear fruit he prunes so that it will be even more fruitful.  You are already clean because of the word I have spoken to you.  Remain in me, and I will remain in you.  No branch can bear fruit by itself; it must remain in the vine.  Neither can you bear fruit unless you remain in me.  I am the vine; you are the branches.  If a man remains in me and I in him, he will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing."

     Ever since my Pastor went on Sabbatical this summer, He has come back with an addition to his sermons: a weekly assignment.  The obsessive compulsive teacher that lives inside my head squeals with joy, and makes checklists and writes things in her planner to frequently look at and highlight...but enough about her, I need to keep her in a closet and only let her out when its time to clean or study.  

    This week, the assignment was to memorize and meditate on John 15:1-17.  I only went as far as verse 6 today, because it stopped me dead in my tracks.  Like God's Word always does, it speaks so relevantly into my life, pertaining to things that happened this week, or in this instance, less than 24 hours ago.

    It's that time of year when all of my landscaping is well past it's glory and it's thinking about turning brown.  It's that time of the year when I purposely stop watering things and hope for one night of frost so I can prune everything, dump my pots and haul all the summer's labor to the burn pile in our pasture.  Thank you God, that you have so much more patience, compassion, and competence as a gardener than I do.  You never grow tired of the task - you never long for frost so you can throw me out.

    When I'm reading God's word, He often makes a pre-point that makes opens my eyes to His love and gives me a grateful and open heart.  That's what the gardener reference was today, just a reminder that He loves me.  He is not like me.  His patience and attention to work in me is so much greater than the highest human standard of work ethic.

    

     Then, once He reminds me of some part of His character that makes my heart soft and open, He starts His lesson:  THE REMAINING.   Oh how I have needed to hear again and be reminded again, and be convicted again about THE REMAINING. I pulled out my little notecard book to record the verse (I carry this around in my purse so I can glance at it in stolen moments of quiet), I found this note, in my very own handwriting, defining what God has shown me what it means to remain in Him.

THE REMAINING

"For my faith to flourish, and for my Spirit to depend on God completely- I must have daily discipline.  I must read the Word daily.  I must pray prayers of Trust & Thanksgiving daily.  I must choose joy and dependence and obedience  daily.  Throughout the day. Hourly! Minutely!"

    And so the discipline of THE REMAINING is not new to me, but it is the most essential staple of my faith.  Confession time: my amnesiac soul too often ignores the call to REMAIN.  And my heart longs after idols, like afternoon or evening marathons of my favorite shows on Netflix, or my favorite novels, or Facebook, or Pinterest. And I stay up too late, and I sleep too late, and I hit the snooze button through my appointments with his Presence.  I miss out on THE REMAINING, and therefore miss out on what God is doing.

  Jesus makes some very, very important claims about Himself and about his disciples in this passage.  

1) Jesus says about himself:  

         He is the channel through which my whole Christian life flows. Just like a leaf or a branch could not survive if it was cut off the vine, neither can I survive as a Christian without Christ.  

2) Jesus says about me:

         I cannot bear fruit without being connected to Him or remaining in Him.

 

     If I look at Galatians 5, this means I cannot display love, have joy, experience peace, be patient, be kind, be good, be faithful, be gentle or control my self without being connected to Jesus. Just like a branch on a vine, I need this connection DAILY and without excuse.

     When I don't remain in Him, I growl and yell expletives when my mashed potatoes are too soupy (yes, in the last 24 hours).  When I don't remain in him, I do household chores while wallowing in self-pity and irritation.  When I don't remain in him, I'm short with my husband and children. When I don't remain in Him, I set the mood for my entire household - they walk on eggshells, they have hurt in their eyes, they feel bothersome, helpless and small.

     

      But when I practice the discipline, the beautiful joyful discipline of reading God's Word and praying every day, my perspective changes.  God sends me love notes about gardening, among other topics, and gives me a focus for the day.  I begin my day rooted and established in His love, and I remember who I am and how much I mean to the God of the Universe.  I have a purpose and intentional ideas about how my day will go.  I have the freedom to act, instead of just react. And best of all - the benefits always exceed the effort. He promises with that if I follow Him, His joy will be in me and my joy will be complete.  I will make Him smile, and He will put that smile inside my heart to shine out all day long.  

     I will bear much fruit.  It will occur to me to love my husband and kids on purpose, in the ways I have learned they feel the most loved.  I will be patient with others, instead of mentally demanding my right to move quickly through life. Kindness will trump witty snark, or the need to be right, or the raging desire to gossip.  I'll feel peaceful because God has reminded me of eternity, and lifted me above my circumstances. I'll choose to say good things to others that build them up, instead of bad or degrading things because they have irritated me.  Whatever the situation is, I can bear the fruit of the Spirit because I have recently been reminded that my lot in life is to glorify God. Period.  In any situation He brings my way.  Even if I don't FEEL peaceful, or FEEL patient or FEEL good or kind or self-controlled, I can BE those things, because his Spirit is in me, and because I know who I am.

    I'm grateful to many good friends, of all ages and walks of life, who remind me and encourage me to simply to REMAIN in Him.  God, light in a fire in me.

   

   

Ephesians 1 - Make it Personal

2 - Grace and Peace to you!

A greeting. Do I wish grace and peace upon the soul and day of every other person I encounter?

Confess - more than likely, I do not aknowledge people. I am indifferent to the quality of the day they are having, or I'm so focused on my own agenda or objective that I fail to see them at all. Indifference to others is wrapped in self, not wrapped in Christ.
     Jesus, while on earth, was limited. He had a human attention span, linear time, the ability to only be in one place at one time. He was limited by his need for sleep, eating, drinking and other physiological factors. He had human emotions, and the humanity of becoming overwhelmed by the pain of others - when he wept about the death of Lazarus. YET - He stopped. He saw. He listened. He noticed others' lives and pain. He took the time to eat with them, talk with them, listen to them. He took the time to let children crawl into his lap and just be held. And now - the ressurrected Christ is no longer limited by humanity. He is not limited by human attention. He is not working in only one place or time. He is eternal, He is omnipresent, He is ever listening, knowing and loving His children. He is omni-available. He is ready and equipped to handle any person's pain and ugliness, no matter how ugly, no matter how painful. Hallelujah!

3-Praise to God the Father! You have blessed me in the heavenly realms with every spiritual blessing in Christ.

God this is so much bigger than me, than my twenty-seven years, than my lifespan on the earth as a human being. You have blessed me with Spiritual, rather than carnal, blessings while YOU ARE in Heaven - so much higher are your thoughts and your ways. I certainly do not recognize, call on, or utilize my spiritual blessings in the fullness that you intend. I do not open the gifts you lay at my feet, or inject into my life because my big fat SELF is getting in the way. I do not even understand what you mean by EVERY spiritual blessing in Christ. Open my eyes, and teach me your decrees.

4 - You chose me, in him before the creation of the world to be holy and blameless in your sight.

Predestination is a deal breaker for so many people who hear the gospel. Mentally, it often is for me too. Satan & his team whisper to me - you're unworthy. Why would the God of the Universe ever choose you to be part of his plan? why would he choose you, and not everyone? what is special about you? do you think you're better than others? that's offensive and ugly. Satan even uses phrases tossed on me my whole life to echo and confuse me on this point. Stuck up snob (this is the G rated version). Holier than thou. Fed with a silver spoon, etc.

Our culture, while striving incessantly for earthly riches, priviliges and power, simultaneously denounces and demoralizes the same things.

But I fix my eyes on Jesus. In Ephesians 1:4 - I fix my eyes on 2 words: IN HIM. I -whether rich or poor, powerful or weak, in charge, or an underling, a priviliged princess or starving street urchin - could never ever stand holy or blameless in front of God, unless I was completely wrapped up, covered over, and transformed from the inside out with Jesus Christ. Only the Holy, Ressurrected Son of God who paid for all the things I've done wrong and claims me as His own could present me to God the Father as holy and blameless. That's the only status, privilige, wealth & power that will ever, ever matter. And Thank God, it has nothing to do with any decision, excepting one, that I will ever make. And that decision is simply believing that Jesus is who He claims to be.

I FINALLY have a college degree. I spent seven years in three colleges. Post-secondary education is called a blessing! a springboard! a necessity to survival in a global economy. However, the foundation upon which the vast majority of the post secondary education community stands is SINKING SAND. In some upper level high school and college classes (often labeled "the humanities"), I have been taught that I am a Christian because of the behavior I have learned from my parents, which they learned from theirs and so forth. I learn that my choices and behavior are all a result of my culture -which is made up of many earthly components, none which include a Living, Active, Sovereign, Personal, Transforming Creator.

But You say:

I chose you before the earth ever existed.

I had you in mind long before your college professors' professors' professors had learned their ABC's.

STOP conforming to the thinking of the world, and be transformed by the renewing of your mind. [which only comes by and through ME]

Stop worrying about fitting in and sounding smart and sounding educated with common thinking.

STAND FIRM.

Your heart is mine. It is unique, it is strong enough to be changed by me, and it is needed for the purposes of my Kingdom.

And Jesus, that's enough for me. You are enough for me.

vs. 5 - He predestined us to be adopted as his sons [and daughters] through Jesus Christ, in accordance with his pleasure and will.

You are not an impersonal God making business decisions in a holy corporation. You want to be my father, because it gives you pleasure. It makes you smile. You are big enough to know tiny me, and delight in the fact that I am your child. Thank you God.

The Fall of Man
Genesis 3:1-6

Now the serpent (1) was more crafty than any of the wild animals the Lord God had made.  He said to the woman, 
       "Did God really say, 'You must not eat from any tree in the garden'?"  (3)
       The woman said to the serpent, "We may eat fruit from the trees in the garden, but God did say, 'You must not eat fruit from the tree that is in the middle of the garden, and you must not touch it, or you will die.'"
    "You will not surely die, " the serpent said to the woman, "For God knows that when you eat of it your eyes will be opened, and you will be like God, knowing good and evil." (4)

    When the woman saw that the fruit of the tree was good for food and pleasing tot he eye, and also desirable for gaining wisdom, she took some and ate it.

God had perfection set up for his children in the Garden of Eden.  One decision introduced sin, separation and alienation from God.  One bite.

What can we watch for as we are offered forbidden fruit that may take us down an entirely different path than we wanted to go?

   1)  Satan comes in disguise.  He is beautiful. He is sly.  He never offers temptations as what they truly are, but will deceive and insinuate and accuse with a lovely, flattering tongue, and shiny, desirable sin.

2)  Satan tries to convince us that we deserve it, and it won't hurt anyone.  In Genesis, he "insinuates a falsehood and portrays rebellion as clever, but essentially innocent, self-interest"(NIV Study Bible commentary).   He tries this with Eve, he tries it with us.
    When weighing a decision, the moment that entitlement and the excuse "It won't hurt a thing" enters our mind, all red flags should be waving.

3) Satan causes Eve to doubt God's word.  The moment we start to buy into worldly philosophy of any kind that goes against the Word of God, thinking maybe we misunderstood, misinterpreted, or were taught by our Church leaders to believe something that isn't modern enough for today's world, we are on his hook.  
      I believe we have to make three commitments when it comes to God's word. First, we must read it, and study it, and know it well enough that the spirit can prompt us with it when we are at a crossroads wondering which is the path of temptation and which is the path of righteousness.
    Second, we have to believe that God knows what he's talking about.  He is the designer of the Universe, He is the designer and arranger of all matter.  He is the creator of Science.  He may not have revealed every detail to us in His Word, but we better believe that His understanding of the world, our human relationships and all the workings of the universe far surpasses any thought, theory, even "scientifically proved facts" that the human brain could individually or collectively conclude. And with that understanding, we need to submit to the commands and revelations He did reveal, and trust Him with the details we don't understand.
    Third, if we don't know the answers, we have to have the tenacity, the resourcefulness, the courage to seek answers from the Word.  The moment we believe human wisdom is truth without checking The Truth, we are gullible and complacent fools.
        I'm the first to admit, sometimes I earnestly seek answers in the Bible, and come up gasping for air and thinking, huh?   If this happens, I have to seek guidance from godly leaders who have shown the fruit of the spirit in their lives consistently are living by God's word.  The fruit proves to me that these leaders know God and know His word, and can be trusted to point me in the right direction.

4) Satan accuses God of having unworthy motives. He brings a full attack from all sides.  He attacks our thoughts and emotions, he attacks God's word, He even has the audacity to attack God Himself.  Just like a lawyer sometimes needs to destroy a witness's credibility, Satan attempts to destroy God's credibility.  Fortunately for us, actions always speak louder than words.  Satan proves himself a liar and a destroyer every time, while God's compassions NEVER fail.  Everything He does from Genesis to Revelation, and in our own lives, sings a sweet melody of redemption and love every time.

     Just like we are trained to drop everything and get out of the building in a fire drill,  we need to build in fire alarms in our brains, and be open to the spirit to set them off.  Watch out for Satan's tactics.  He's not very original, and he keeps trying the same things over and over.  Just like a coach can spot patterns in an offense, we need to spot Satan's plays, and set up our defense to stuff Satan before he convinces us of his lies. The good news is, through the blood of Jesus, we are already on the winning team.  Satan is vanquished and Jesus is King.  He's just trying to lead us astray.

1 Timothy 6:11  
But you, man of God, flee from all this, and pursue righteousness, godliness, faith, love, endurance and gentleness. Fight the good fight of the faith. Take hold of the eternal life to which you were called when you made your good confession in the presence of many witnesses.

Mother's Day - Here's to you!

Mother's day will greet me in the morning - my children are too small to understand or remember it - but I'm sure God will remind their Sunday school teachers, who will no doubt have them paste some construction paper to some other construction paper and do some wicked coloring, and if I'm really blessed, they might even sprinkle glitter in the mix and color my world for a few weeks.

Motherhood is the craziest thing I've ever done. My children make every day a fascinating, terrifying adventure. I have no idea what's coming next, and its simultaneously the most fun and the most frustrating thing I've ever done. I was not that much of a boy chaser in my youth, but I'm making up for it now, in a completely different way.

Here are my mother's day salutations to friends, family, and myself - for all we do. Raise your glass, or juice box that you stole from your child, to the mothers in your life.

Here is, first and foremost, to my husband - who made me a mother. I guess I helped him a little, but I'm holding him largely responsible. He appreciates me and respects me, and most importantly, backs me up when I discipline our children. He teaches and will continue to teach three boys to be men who grow up loving and respecting their mom, and other women they love.

...here's to his dad for teaching him.

...and here is to the mom's who do it without a man like mine. Who do it on their own - who have no back up to call in when life turns up the heat; you're amazing.

...here's to super moms. The mom's who seem to have it so much more together than me. Your laundry is done. Your house is clean and smells good. There is no jelly stuck to your kitchen floor, no fingerprints smeared on your windows, no sand in your child's bedsheets. (all three of those reign at my house, at least I hope its jelly and sand). Your vehicle does not have bank teller lolly pops melted into the upholstry under your stow and go seats. Your children do not eat cheetoh balls off the garage floor that preschool teachers sent home last week. (that actually happened today...with a complete slow motion supervision from across the room...hear me saying, "Miles, noooooo..." in a really low slow motion voice.)
Super moms, you make amazing crafty themed cupcakes and invitations for school birthday parties, with party favors to match. Here's to that amazing combination of knack for time management, flare for design and just the general ability to give a damn! Though I curse you as I clean your Oriental trading company trinkets out of my Dodge Grand Caravan, and hold you personally responsible for global warming, as I feel those trinkets are filling up landfills... Though - you probably make up for it by using cloth diapers...touche!
Super moms plan their pregnancies!! They have labor and delivery plans! They plan their birthday cakes! and amazingly, many of their plans actually work out for them!

...and here's to moms more like me. Whose house is always chaotic with toys, dirt, unfindable smells that turn out to be a sock in the toybox or crayons in the baseboard heater. To moms who do their best to get dishes done, laundry folded and put away and the trash taken out before the next poop crisis arises. To moms who do their darndest to be on time, and have their departure plotted to the second, only to be foiled by a poopy diaper, a cat who won't come down off the garage door, or a child who has, for the third to one-hundreth time today, removed his shoes and lost them. (And here's to my mom, who often had everyone ready to go and in the car, and would walk in and find me naked in the closet...I promise I was under the age of 5)
...and here's to moms who try their best to stay in touch with friends, but cannot concentrate on phone conversations, because brothers are pulling one another's hair out, or are about to stick their lunchtime carrot stick up their nose.
...here's to moms who try really hard to take that birth control pill every day at the same time, but just can't remember if you took yesterday's, or if that was just the gummy vitamins you stole from your children. And who could blame you? Oh my gosh, they are so good!!!
....here's to moms who are months behind on scrapbooking, but resolve to continue taking pictures because someday we'll catch up.
...here's to moms who rock their babies or cuddle their toddlers or just sit beside their big kids at bedtime long after they are asleep, because you just can't stop loving the feeling of them next to you.
....and here's to moms who make up lullaby's that don't rhyme or make any sense, because their brains are too fried to remember the traditional ones.
....here's to mom's like me - who awake from a night of sleep to the sound of running water in the kitchen...who get up to discover their two-year-old-who-is-potty-training has pooped in the kitchen sink. Yes this actually happened. I did my best with nearly an entire bottle of bleach, but I don't blame you if you want to bring a water bottle when you come over.
...and here's to moms who are thrilled when their little boys pee outside instead of in their underwear...even if its in a very nice neighbor's yard, or on number two tee box, or in a friend in town's driveway - who might have preferred that a child not be peeing in their driveway.
...and here's to mom's who never stop serving their children all day long. Sometimes you don't notice because its so routine. Sometimes its exhausting. Sometimes you'd rather go hide in your bed than deal with the next mess, breaking up the next fight, teaching the next lesson, having the next conversation that your child will remember forever. But you do not run or hide - you clean, you negotiate, you scold, encourage, or build-up your kids. You sacrifice, you die to self, you might even do these things with a great attitude.
...and here's to the moms who occasionally play a martyr...been there.
....and here's to the moms who occasionally throw a selfish hissy fit...done that.
....and here's to the moms who say bad words in front of their kids, and lose their tempers, say things they shouldn't, and make mistakes that would never make it onto a Halmark Mother's Day card...done that too.
....and here's to the dad's and husbands who put up with this kind of thing...have one of those.
...and here's to the moms that do it all again tomorrow...I'm with you.
...And most importantly, here's to my Gracious Savior, Jesus Christ who I can run to on a daily basis and receive absolutely everything I need to parent my boys so their lives can overflow with love. He makes all things new. He is good, what He does is good.

Happy mother's day to all the mama's who feel like the little things they do are unnoticed, unsung and unappreciated. You are not alone. You are doing a good job. You are loved.

Spring, spring, spring!

Today is April 13, 2011. It snowed this morning...then got up to 50 degrees. I have no downspouts, so the gutters dump into my planters making big mucky puddles. These are not so attractive for the landscaping, but very appealing to little boys with rubber boots...so here is a photo post of Isaiah and Miles's fun today.

Tidings of Comfort and Boys

We are a family of five!!!
Big Brother's Isaiah & Miles Proudly Announce Their New Baby Brother
Luke Michael Jones.
Added to our mix on
December 11, 2010
12:42 a.m.
6 lbs 11 oz 19 1/2 in

Colt McCoy

Though I don't care about every detail of college football like my parents and siblings, I did watch the National Championship game last night. I wanted Texas to get smoked since Nebraska almost beat them in the Big 12 Championship game.

Again, I'm not a big rambler about college football, but my brother has never liked Colt McCoy much, and I listened to him and believed him...i even wanted him to lose.

I felt bad for the kid though last night. He's been waiting for this championship game forever - they thought they got cheated out of it last year...and the second play of the game he gets hurt.

Did he whine? did he insist that they could have won if he'd played? Did he cry or complain? Though he was clearly hurting and dissappointed he said in his post game interview:

"I give God the glory. I never ask why in situations like these. God is in control. I'm standing on the rock."

I think I have something to learn from this guy. Thank you God for the humility and faithfulness in those comments. Just pointing to you regardless of circumstances, good or bad. That's all we can do.