It's December 3rd, 2015 and the crazy has already begun. Because I'm a stubborn and unorganized nonconformist, I refused to buy anything on black Friday or cyber Monday that would save me money, but I have bought a few gifts online here and there for my people. I have mental lists that fly around my brain like the golden snitch and good intentions chasing them around…they will make it to a piece of paper eventually. Might be Christmas Eve, but they will be written down, and then the triage will begin and I will remember that I'm not superwoman, and no one really cares if there are random socks and dust bunnies under the beds, and that the junk drawer isn't cleaned out in case Santa looks in there.
It's December 3rd, and the crazy has begun. My husband's job is to the keep track of every dollar that goes in and out of our family business, and so December and January means month-end, quarter-end and year-end tasks that all come at once. The only kind of comparison I can make is from my college and limited teaching experience - it is kind of like having to read the syllabus, write all the papers and take all the midterms & finals all in one month. Or like the two weeks leading up to parent teacher conferences, but it lasts eight weeks instead of two. He goes to work every morning thinking about the mountain of work ahead of him. He comes home thinking about the mountain tomorrow. He spends all day every day working through meals trying to stay ahead of the avalanche of work behind him, and the one that's coming. As he says, these are the two months he makes up for all the Wednesday and Friday afternoons in the summer he plays golf. He is overwhelmed, but managing it. He is drained in the evenings. He is on a weird meal schedule. He is trying to also cram in Christmas shopping, school programs, shoveling snow & every other December-y thing. His 30th birthday is on the 21st. I wonder if he will notice.
It's December 3rd, and the crazy has begun. This week is mild, but starting next week, the madness ensues. There are three field trips of caroling at nursing homes, a preschool gift exchange, a PTO meeting, Luke's special day at school, his actual birthday, and his birthday party (which deserves all the fanfare that the August & May birthdays get!), two after school clubs, two Christmas music programs, three classroom parties, our office Christmas party, one hair appointment for me, and finally - nearly the most exciting thing for the boys - the Star Wars movie is coming out and we get to go to a special screening thanks to some generous friends. (Do not look back at that run-on sentence, and do not call Mrs. Mensing or Mrs. Bolzer, because they would surely shake their heads and feel like they'd wasted their lives trying and failing to teach grammar to children.) Those are just the things that I remembered to write on my calendar! and I cannot escape a creeping self-awareness that I have missed a few notes home and forgotten a few conversations and I'm going to miss some stuff. If I flip through my contacts, and think about my friends and their kids and the activities they've mentioned, we are the least busy of all of them.
It's December 3rd. And while December is special, it's also just full of Mondays and Thursdays and mundane routines. The dog still needs to be walked and fed and loved. The kids still need clean clothes and meals around the table and help with homework and reading. My husband still needs to unwind watching "Oak Island," or have popcorn and movie with his lady. Luke still needs to crank up music and have regular dance parties to be happy. So I have to step up my game a little bit to keep everything from falling apart.
A season that should be full of quiet moments of reflection, thanksgiving, worship, and awe has morphed into a season we all just have to survive without screaming or pulling our hair out. And on social media, we must maintain the illusion that we are really good at doubling our commitments and maintaining a calm and smiling and magical home where cookies are baked, presents are wrapped and trees are glistening.
Well I quit. Not doing it. Not holding myself to Pinterest-sized standards. Do you know what happens when I bake cookies? Oven fires. Do you know what happens when I decorate cookies? Frosting and food coloring stain the countertop. Do you know what happens when we get a Christmas tree before December 10th? I forget to water it, and it dies. Because I'm me. I'm not whining, not shame spiraling, not even disappointed in myself. I'm not worrying about outfits, or photos or the perfect plate of cookies for the class parties because I REFUSE TO BE DISAPPOINTED IN A PART OF ME THAT DOESN'T EXIST. I could be a mom that purchased coordinating Christmas outfits, but I know myself - I'm cheap and I'm practical. I go to Herbergers, look at the prices and think - why would I spend that much money on one outfit? They'll just outgrow it or wreck it. Hand me downs will work just fine for us. And then I've wasted another precious afternoon just remembering who I am and how I feel about things. If my boys' jeans don't have holes in the knees, and they've showered in the last 48 hours, that's good enough for me.
As I prepare an advent basket for my kids to dig into the Bible in the coming days, I have read the Christmas story about 37 times in three different resources, trying to pull out special lessons and qualities of God as they open a manger scene piece by piece. What I didn't find in the Christmas story was worry, or rushing, or clearance shopping, or a picturesque tree surrounded by perfection and gifts containing the fulfillment of all hopes and dreams.
What I do find is this: a couple being obedient to a big God at great personal cost, and in truly bizarre circumstances. I find an event on earth that completely disrupted everything in heaven because it was the most exciting beginning of anything that ever happened-something worth stopping and celebrating! I find some older men who dropped every important commitment, defied cultural norms and risking their lives, lied to a powerful king just so they could kneel at the chubby toddler feet of Jesus and bring him three gifts.
Gold, a gift fit for a King. Frankincense, an incense used by priests. Myrrh because it was used to prepare a body for death. Three quiet, prophetic gifts for a child who they believed with all their heart was the Messiah High Priest King who came to die.
As I check and double check the calendar, the wish lists and take stock in how much milk we have, the age-old, Sunday school question keeps nagging at the edge of my Spirit: "What will you bring the King?" When I give gifts, I want them to be an overflow of something that gave me joy, that I know will also bring the recipient joy- something that connects us. Something that says, "I know you, I've been listening - and if you really know me, then this will mean something to you too." This doesn't happen for every person I buy for on every holiday, but I like to send that message as often as I can. And especially, as I approach the manger, the cross & the throne at the right hand of God - I want Jesus to know: "I know you! I've been listening! and because you know me better than anyone, this will be a very meaningful and precious gift that I lay at your feet."
When I let the Holy Spirit lead me, His wish list looks much different than the one I've been working on. It looks a lot like Galatians 5 and the fruit of the Spirit: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, gentleness, and self-control. It looks like Micah 6:8- To act justly, and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God. It doesn't look anything like perfection, but a lot like grace. All of it is very simple, but also will require work and discipline and will not happen by accident. I want to be specific & intentional about my three gifts this year, and make the 21 days left until Christmas about giving them away again and again.
I want to be a calm & considerate wife. I want to wake up every day making a decision to filter stress through love and take responsibility for how that stress affects my family, and especially my husband. I want to own and unleash the power my attitude and mood has over my family. I want to be a good listener, a back rubber, to be available for his whimsy without any ugly backlash from my EVERYTHING-MUST-BE-PLANNED-IN-ADVANCE-OR-THE-END-OF-THE-WORLD-WILL-BEGIN mentality. I want to very intentionally encourage him every day so he knows how truly amazing I think he is. I want to be in his corner when he comes home, ready to help him knock out the things coming at him, instead of having a selfish pity party in my own corner that he doesn't have time or energy for me and my stuff.
I want to be available for my kids. While Pinterest wants this to look like smiling-baking-crafting-wrapping-mommy, this really looks like sprawling-on-the-living-room-floor-playing-cribbage-with-boys-in-their-underwear mommy. It looks like reading Magic Treehouse for the 3rd time, and remembering to pause at the end of the page so my first grader can read the last paragraph. And it means that instead of hitting the treadmill or a nice quiet walk in the pasture, that my exercise this month will be dancing around to Daya and Pharrel Williams & Maroon 5, because, yes Luke, I do want to have a special dancing date with you again.
And finally, my third gift - has to be faithfulness. I have realized, about myself, especially this last week - that without a daily, quiet time that smells like coffee, and feels like a deep peace settling down into my soul, I am a selfish, crazy wreck of a person. Without reading God's word, even if it isn't flashy or some big revelation, I cannot give the first two gifts. The deeper I go into the heart of Jesus, the more desperately I need Him. And it has to be mornings, at least for me. There is no other time when I can be alone with Him in the quiet so He can pour out His love on me, and I can open up my heart and receive it.
Preparing and giving these gifts will wear me out this December, and I cannot escape the crazy. But I'd rather spend myself for the right reasons instead of the wrong ones. Help and encourage one another to give gifts that matter, and that bring a smile to the face of the King.
Merry Crazy December!
Becky
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